I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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