You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
