My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
