Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
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