FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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