so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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