so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
