dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
