The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
