I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
