So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
