Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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