She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
