this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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