We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Two words: nipple clamps
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