I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
