Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize