Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My cat gives me a boner
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
