1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
