So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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