If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
