The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
