He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
