True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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