: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Are we still banned from the library?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
