I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
