we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
