I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
