He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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