u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I pour the whiskey from now on
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
