Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
