Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i barfeds in our rink
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
