I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize