The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
