When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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