I'm lost and stupid without you.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
