Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
