So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
