There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
