I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
