she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
