woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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