And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize