Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
