Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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