wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
