I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
