is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
how does that bad decision feel?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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