I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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