OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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