Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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