I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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