i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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