His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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