In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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