he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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