Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
