my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
