Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
