I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
