If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
